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| 06:21pm 16/04/2003 |
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mood:  nostalgic music: vanilla sky.. elevator beat
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hey guys.. yes, believe i am FULLY AWARE of the fact that i haven't updated for a few decades now.. so in honor of my good buddy tricia, i'll explain ;]
well i've come to a pretty busy point in my life now. the end of junior year means SAT's and NHS applications and endless plans for prom.. all of which i've neglected to write about in here. this journal is like a messy room.. the more you neglect it, the messier it gets, and the messier it gets, the more you feel the need to neglect it. right. anyway..
on to my next reason. hectic times have also led me to question what is really important to me. and it's led me to question pretty much everything i do. for example, is it really a good thing to write about so much of my personal life ONLINE? in a world where anyone can read it, judge it, laugh about it, critisize it, manipulate it.. okay i know for a fact that most of the people who read my journal are those i know and trust.. but what about the others? you can never be too sure. i don't think i'm being paranoid. but i've realized that the point of a journal is to dig deep into your most inner thoughts and spew them out onto the page.. or monitor in this case. i can't really do that on here. i can't correctly call this thing a diary if i can't write what i truly feel without fear of what anyone else thinks. its more of a log.. or blog.. or whatever you call them nowadays..
so, in closing, i'll just say this.. thank you for 2 years of sharing, venting, allowing me to type on you shoulder.. when no one else cared. thank you for reminding me of the best times and the worst times of the past two years of my life. i'll probably keep this as a relic.. a reminder of days past.. a look back on how much of a dork i was and how far i've come [time wise.. the dork thing i'm still working on ;] but i won't be adding anymore entries. sorry guys.. but i will have another journal up and running pretty soon.. a more private one i guess you can say.. so if you really have the urge to read my pointless writings - talk to me! i'll hook ya up.
for now, i bid you all adieu
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| 01:24pm 22/03/2003 |
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mood:  bored
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blah well since no one seems to be around right now i guess i'll update you on my life.. or at least i think it's a life..
thursday was an okay day. in history we watched this really disturbing movie about the Holocaust.. God help us if we EVER had to go through that again =/ but then we watched the lion king in ms. hj's class so that cheered me up lol. let's see.. i took a quiz in pre calc and probably failed it. my grades haven't been too good in that class so i hope this quiz doesn't count too much =/ we um finished our tests in mr. grobe's class and then i went hommmmme. at night i went to kaplan, which just gets worse and worse everytime. the people in my class are funny but sometimes i just wanna learn the material and get the hell out of there!! after class mark picked me up and we went to friendly's for some bangin sundaes =) mmmmm.. then we went back to my house.. watched tv.. and then he left. kind of an early night considering I DIDN'T HAVE SCHOOL ON FRIDAY but oh well.
friday i got up, took a shower, and then mark came over. we watched cnn for a while and watched america bomb the hell out of iraq. there's nothing much left that i can say about the war, i just hope it's a quick war and that in the end it will turn out somewhat better than i hope. i'm glad the iraqi people are surrendering and that they're not being harmed.. but in the end, this war can only be justified if we sadaam is DEAD and only if sadaam is DEAD.. if not, it was just a waste of expensive bombs and a few american casualties. i'm still against this whole thing.. but i guess there's nothing left to do now but wait..
anyway, mark fixed my computer up a little bit. or at least tried to. i think i just need a new one lol. then we went downstairs and watched cruel intentions. that movie is friggen crazy! but it was good. then we walked to his house and had pizza hut for dinner. we watched charmed with marisa and then he dropped me off at ramon's. that was fun stuff =) we played kings without alcohol lol. it was still good though. then we played twister and just sat around and talked.. but weird things.. ramon's room is so cool! lol. at the end of the night we all took a walk.. all 9 of us in a mob lol.. we probably could've gotten arrested for that haha. we walked the sandi, len, dominic, and the ishmails home and then went back to ray's. mark picked me up and we decided to stalk kelly & joanne to joanne's house lolol. they had no idea it was us until we actually got to her house. after that we drove around aimlessly and then went back to his place when the gas started getting low. it's so damn expensive nowadays.. we watched tv until i started falling asleep lol and then he took me home.
today is a gorgeous day and i have absolutely fuckin nothing to do. i called almost everyone this morning and no one seems to be home.. they're all either at track or work or whatever. ya know.. i have a lot of friends but only a few that i hang out with regularly. it sucks. i feel like i'm missing something. or someone. i don't know anymore.. well i'm goin to joanne's house tonight and there's a chance that i might not see mark now until next thursday. he has to go to a wedding rehearsal tonight and he's going back sunday morning. and we're both really busy with school and everything.. blahh it sucks. i can't wait till SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!
well i'm gonna go.. maybe i'll go rollerblading or something in a little bit.. if i feel like moving.. lol i'll write later
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| everyone finds someone |
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| 04:16pm 19/03/2003 |
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mood: bored
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above is a really good quote from jason about my relationship with mark. well he was a little 'happy' at the time but it's all good. still a very good quote. for anyone who's never been in love then you might think i'm full of shit but i think it's true. you might just have found someone in the past and didn't even know it.. or you didn't handle it just the right way. anyway, i think there's hope for everyone. really. if my cousin chris could find love then anyone can.. lol.
anyway, the past two days were nothin exciting. monday was full of drama. i didn't get any sleep at all. i was too busy worried about the war.. and my friends and the war.. and partying over the weekend and getting busted and the war.. lol. not saying that saturday wasn't worth it but i seriously think they're on to me.. which is the reason why i deleted most of my last entry. it was a good entry.. full of details and jokes that might actually amuse you.. but oh well ce la vie. maybe i'll make my journal friends only or even private pretty soon and then i'll be able to write whatever i want. right now i have to limit myself.. only write certain thoughts and ideas and restrain the rest.. and that sucks =/
anyway, monday night/tuesday morning was a long, agonizing night for me so i decided to stay home on tuesday. i only got about four hours of sleep before waking up to be perfectly awake.. odd? when i woke up i made myself lunch and did laundry. yes I did laundry.. which i do often but this time i did EVERYTHING. it seems that my family is getting so lazy that we'd all be going out naked if someone didn't take a few hours to clean clothes. whatever.. during that time i excersized a bit and talked to my baby. he made me a present! he made me a picture on adobe photoshop and it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. i love him so much.. i guess i just need to be reminded of that feeling once in a while ;]
well i pretty much chilled out the rest of the day.. then i got ready to go to kaplan. i was supposed to go to band but kaplan is more important right now and *surprise surprise* foss didn't even know i wasn't there lol. so i took another practice SAT which actually went by pretty quickly this time. then i came home and sat online for a while.. i talked to tricia for the first time in forever! we talked about how stupid the whole limo ordeal is and i'm really glad that other people agree with me. haha she's so funny though.. i miss her.. and i talked to my cousin. i wanted to get off earlier but he was telling me some good drinking stories so i had to wait until he was finished lol. when i got off i called mark, but he was busy with his friends and i felt really left out so i just hung up with him. yea.. =/
today was a pretty easy day. we didn't do anything in mr. d's and we had a class meeting during english. teen pep performed for us.. not bad.. i give them credit for going on stage and talking about HIV to a class made up of mostly idiots. i don't think i'll be joining though.. i don't think i can tell everyone that "my gay lover gave me HIV" with a straight face lol. during psychology we had an interesting discussion about disney movies and their perverted subliminal messages. the wizard of oz one was a hoax.. it looked like a deer instead of a munchkin.. but the priest from the little mermaid definitely had a boner, and aladdin definitely told good teenagers to take off their clothes. yes i never believed it until mrs. hj enlightened us today lol. someone stole my lock in gym. this is the second time those dirty bitches stole something from me so i left a nice threatening letter in my locker and convienently left it unlocked. haha we'll see what happens tomorrow. hmmm..
after school ramon & dominic walked home with me. dominic went home so ray just came to my house. i taught him how to play kings.. we might play that on friday! yesss! LoL. when my mom got home i drove him home and then drove her a few places. she won't let me drive anywhere i want to go but yet she makes me run all of these stupid errands for her. grrrr i need my license.
right now i'm just waiting for mark to call me back. we've been on this relationship high since the weekend and i'm hoping it will last as long as possible. good times are coming up though.. prom.. spring break.. mark and ramon's birthdays.. w0o h0o =) i love april. it's been nice and warm out but i hope we don't wind up getting like 5in of snow over the weekend or something. i hate march.
anyway i'm gonna go watch a DVD or something so i'll write later..
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| and here's to the weekend that will never happen again.. |
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| 06:15pm 17/03/2003 |
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mood:  drained
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so yes following up from friday, all DID go according to plan ^_^ but i'll start with friday night, cuz friday night was fun stuff..
me, joanne, ramon, dominic, leonard, and wesley went to the bowling alley.. we waited only like 20 minutes for a lane which was pretty good. when we got it, we forgot joanne's shoes and the guy told her that she needs new friends lol. it was me dominic and ray vs the saxes lol.. we played about 3 games. in the first one i beat everyone except for joanne and almost broke 100, but then my arm got tired and i sucked for the next two. it was fun though.. *extreme bowling!!!*
after that we went to the snack bar and hung out for a lil bit before my mom & joanne's dad came and picked us up. we had a lil fun with joanne on her cell phone lolol.
the next morning i got up, cleaned the house, did laundry, and did some kaplan krap lol. all in good reason though.. the parents actually let me go!! so i walked to meet mark [it was so incredibly gorgeous outside] and then jason picked us, vanessa, and juan up. that kid is a speed demon.. he cut off like 15 trucks but we tried not to say nething lol. when we got to kim's we just kinda hung out for a while and watched some stuff mark filmed at his dorm. funny shit..
:: this part is being taken out just in case.. sorry guys ::
a little while later we left kim's and took the train to center city. from there we pretty much went right to 30th st and me, juan and vanessa caught the train home. i was I-I this close to not getting on that train. i wanted to stay and be with mark.. dammit.. why can't life be a perpetual weekend? sigh.. lol
well today i was pretty tired.. well overtired for the most part. so therefore my body was tired but my mind was wide awake, which is a very bad combination. well we didn't have to do much in class and it was so nice out today that everyone just stared out the windows. this week is an easy week because i have friday off and there's a lot of trips going on between now and thursday =) none of which i'm a part of but i get the benefit of having less people/teachers in my classes =) well the day went by even faster than i had hoped, and then i came home.. and passed out on my bed..
now i'm gonna go eat [but no cornbeef for me ;]. oh yea, although i wouldn't have remembered this if i didn't see about 30 hungover people yesterday with shamrock mardi gras beads around their necks, happy st. patrick's day. everyone is allowed to be irish today ;]
but anyway, i'm probably going out with ramon tonight. with emphasis on going out because it's such a nice friggen night out and the rest of the week will pretty much be taken up with band & kaplan. well i'm gonna go make myself something so i'll write later..
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| can't be your superman your superman your supermannn |
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| 04:03pm 14/03/2003 |
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mood:  distressed
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well a lot happenned this week, most of which i really don't feel like gettin into, but i'll just give you an overview..
tuesday some bullshit went on in the morning. i was in a bad mood until around lunch, when me & joanne made project bottomless pit lolol. cartoons always make me feel better ;] after school i bought prom bids, so everything's taken care of for prom =) all i need is jewelry and a red bag lol. when i got home i think i fell asleep and then went to KAPLAN. KAPLAN sucks ass. such a waste of 3 and something hours of my time. well i went up 130 points on my SAT's since last time, but i think that was because i actually had a freakin calculator this time ;] i got an 1170.. maybe if i get to 1200 my dad will stop bothering me..
wednesday was activities so it was shorter. me & candace had a good discussion in gym. that's really all i remember though. i had HRC during first period.. yea.. i walked home and then went to sleep for a while. then i had to wake up and go to the wind ensemble festival thing in edison. i didn't really feel like waking up for it but it wasn't that bad. we played 3 songs and then we had to sit in the auditorium thing for almost 3 hours.. so me ramon joanne and dominic tried to amuse ourselves by having sock puppet shows with the socks i brought so my feet wouldn't get cold lolol. yea we're weird.. get over it.. haha. we got an "excellent" rating which really means "okay" or "mediocre" but that's not too bad. some of those bands practice like 3 nights a week.. losers.. lol. the busride home was fun stuff. people are so damn crazy at night. when we got back to the school there were cockroaches in the bandroom so i got my ass out of there and drove ray & dominic home. then me & my dad just drove around carteret for a while. fun stuff..
yesterday was a lot of controversy that i don't feel like going into. but anyway, after school i came home, talked to mark for the first time in ages, and went to sleep. i woke up at like 10 to 6 and had to rush my ass to KAPLAN =( i actually paid attention this time but i still failed those minitests =/ after class i went home and called mark. we actually had a long conversation.. somethin very rare for us.. but it happened. we haven't gotten to speak much this week which is probably the main reason why we just didn't wanna get off the phone last night. but we finally got off around midnight, and i went to sleep..
today was an okay day. it went by pretty quickly. ms. lopez came to our psych class again and did a practice therapy session. ricky is so funny lol. i really wanna be a psychologist though.. i think i could really change people's minds.. we'll see.. umm let's see i had a good conversation with rocco & candace in band. they always help me out =) we celebrated pi day in ms dallavalle's lol.. she gave out m&ms. mmmm.. in human phys we talked about gay people and why they are the way they are. ooo kay.. then eddie read us some interesting selections from elisa's book ~>The Big O<~
hahah what would we do without those horny bastards ;]
after school i went to walgreens and now i'm home. tomorrow i'm *supposed* to be going to philly and staying over until sunday. oh my god i would be the happiest person alive ;D but that all depends on my parents and whether or not they feel like ruining EVERYTHING for me. if all goes according to plan, then jason is coming here tomorrow and picking up me, juan, vanessa, and maybe joanne & ralph. then we're all staying over either kim's apartment or mark's dorm [hopefully the second one.. at least we'll get to sleep on BEDS lol]. i guess we'll take the train back on sunday if i decide to go home at all.. j/k.
oh damn. i just found out that joanne can't go. AHHHHH this sucks this sucks this sucks this sucksssss. dammit i hope this still works out.. if not my weekend is gonna suck.. oh well i'm gonna try to get to the bottom of this so i'll write later..
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| (optional, for use on longer entries) |
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| 07:54pm 10/03/2003 |
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mood:  annoyed music: lauryn hill.. i used to love him
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yea so today = hell. it was not a cool day for me. usually mondays aren't that bad but let me tell you about this one..
this morning i woke up late and couldn't find anything to wear. it seems that every shirt i had had a permanent stain on it for one reason or another so i just settled on this old black sweater.. whatever. i got to school.. and got a nice surprise ;] we won't go there. took a test in mr. d's.. that wasn't too bad.. but then in english brittany accidentally pushed her desk into my hand so my finger got caught between the desks. lol it's ok though because she got me out of gym ;] i sat there with an ice pack on my balloon-for-a-finger and refused to change lol. me & elisa talked about skiing today.. i miss it sooo much! skiing is like the best absolute greatest thing about winter and i haven't gone all season =( oh well.
i talked to rocco & ambrish in band, started trigonometry in pre calc [odd] and mr. grobe was an asshole again. he gave me like 3 failing grades on my work. it's not my fault he gives us 20 page packets instead of teaching. i gave him an attitude [even though i don't think flipping my hand out from under my chin counts as profanity unless you're italian]. so he switched my seat to the front. oh well, at least now i could look out the door.
when i finally got home i just went down in my basement and called mark to vent. i was on the verge of tears all day [stupid cramps] so i just lost it =/ he didn't me make me feel much better so i watched vanilla sky for a little bit. that made me smile a little =) then i came upstairs and ate dinner. i went online for a while and then drove my mom somewhere to make copies. we drove around for a little bit. i like driving with her a lot more than driving with my dad. i cannot seem to get along with him lately again. the man is impossible. everything i do is wrong. if i go to eat a donut he tells me not to or i'll get fat, while he munches down on his third bag of popcorn. whatever..
now i'm just doing my nails and cleaning up a little. cleaning cheers me up for some strange reason. i guess i'll make a good wife.. but hopefully after i'm married i won't need that much cheering up. i can't wait for this weekend.. i reallllly hope they let me go to philly for the weekend but it's looking a little doubtful right now =/ i'm trying desperately not to fight with the 'rents so i'm just staying in my room as much as possible when i'm home lol.
plans for prom are starting to come together at last =) joanne & len reserved our table today so now we'll be at table #11. i have a hair appt that day at about 2 and marisa's coming over to do my makeup =) i have no idea what to do with either one yet though. any suggestions for a strapless red gown? lol. after prom i'm pretty sure we're still going to new york. juan told me about two diners near him and both of them are open 24 hours. good shit =) so we have our pick.. we have the limo until 3am and then some of us are staying over my house. we're gonna raid spencers for games/stuff to do =) i can't wait! blah 42 more dayssss
well i'm gonna go do some homework now so i'll write later
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| its been a while.. |
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| 01:18pm 09/03/2003 |
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mood:  lazy music: still no speakers =(
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a week to be exact. lemme try to think of what i did the past week..
hmm monday wow i have no clue what i did. so let me just skip to
tuesday was the worst day of the week. i had a math HSPA during school and then i had to take an SAT at night. that sucked ass =x
wednesday i had another hspa during the day and then i went to my fake cousins' grandfather's wake. it was pretty sad. i didn't know him that well but we went there to support my 'fake' family. wow those two boys have grown up sooo much. oh yea on the way there my dad was driving incredibly slow because it was raining and some guy kept honking his horn behind us so finally my dad was like 'if that guy doesn't stop i'm gonna take that horn and shove it up his ass!!!' and it turned out to be my uncle in his new porsche lolol i love him.
thursday was my last hspa. soo much writing =/ then we had only half a schedule. it was snowing so kaplan was cancelled but we still didn't get out early. but kaplan was cancelled yayyyy! after school i walked home and then mark came over. i made dinner and then we went downstairs and watched monsters inc. gotta love that movie ;] he left after the movie and then ramon came over to drop off the packet for mr. grobe. then we called every restaurant in NYC from 40th-60th street looking for a place that would be open past 1am on a tuesday night. we found ONE - and my mom said it was a 'sleezy diner with a gay nightclub underneath' lolol. i guess we can cross that one off the list..
friday was a pretty good day during school. we got into this really good war debate in psychology. ms. lopez divided the class into 'pro war' and 'anti war' and most of us were on the anti-war side. pro war has nothin on us lol. but this is what i think : first of all, if we go to war we will be spending $1,000,000,000 a day on just the war effort. with a billion dollars we can give a million people a thousand dollars each. and our financial aid for college goes down the shithole. if we have a draft say goodbye to all the healthy guys you know between 18-25, including my boyfriend. who knows if women might get drafted too =/ ok there's a million and one reasons that i can give here but i'll just say this - war sucks for everyone involved. not just the little teenie-boppers who can live off of their parents' paycheck for the rest of their lives and swear that a war wouldn't affect them at all. blahhh I HATE IGNORANCE! sorry people get me mad lol..
anyway, the day went pretty quickly. i've been going to the weightroom everyday but friday i was sore as hell so i didn't do anything. and we got our sculiosis checked.. big friggen deal lol. i failed a quiz in pre calc but we had a snowball fight in mr. grobe's class! lol we had a lab and i was bored so i went outside on the roof and got some snow.. then when ambrish walked by i just kinda poured some down his shirt lolol. then he tried to get some and he got caught hahah. aww sorry boo ;]
after school me and ramon went to the limo place that lauren gave us to look at the navigator. he gave us a great deal so we wound up booking it right then and there. and he told us that if anyone from our prom comes in and books the navigator, we get bumped up to an escalade!!! hollerrrrrr
so if anyone needs a limo for the carteret prom and wants a really good friggen deal then just leave a comment and i'll give you all the info ;] oh yea by the way.. thank you lauren!! =)
afterwards we went to go get wendy's and then i just came home. then i went online for a while. i wasn't gonna go to mark's house but i was bored so i wound up walking there anyway. we just hung out and watched movies all night.. omar, juan, joanne, and kelly stopped by for a little while and we watched the tape of omar trying to seduce my dog. interestingly enough i don't really remember this lol..
when they left i watched the tape of mark's drunken roommate. "i am fooooooooo sucked up!" lolol
yesterday i woke up, took a shower, cleaned for a little bit, and then went out with mark & marisa. we went to friday's for lunch and then to a bridal place so mark could get a tux for the wedding. i wanna be a bride!! lol ;] we went back to his house for a little bit and then went to his grandparent's for his grandfather's b-day. i love that place lol. we had some bangin food and then me and mark played super nintendo with the kids [including bosh lol]. his family is so nice i think i'm gonna steal them ;]
afterwards we went to joanne's for a while. kelly was tehre and we played strong bad games lol. then juan, ralph, and omar showed up so we watched the ring. that was some scary shit =x i didn't really like the ending though. i don't know whether i loved it hated it. anyway, when mark took me home i made him walk me in cuz my house was completely dark lol. a few minutes later he called me because he couldn't sleep lol so we talked for a while. i don't even remember hanging up the phone before i fell asleep.. maybe i didn't =x oh well
today i slept till 12:30 =) it was nice. ramon and mark called me simultaneously when i got up. i was supposed to go to the mall with ramon and help him pick out a tux but they left an hour ago and i didn't feel like making them wait. now i'm just being a bum. and planning on being a bum for the rest of the day if nothing comes up. anyway i'm gonna go answer my IMs so i'll write later..
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| i'm d r e a m i n my life away.. |
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| 03:13pm 02/03/2003 |
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mood:  okay music: nothing
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well this had to be one of the best weekends i've had for a while =) let me trace this back..
thursday nite i skipped kaplan and went to the concert. it was soo hot there but i survived with my open toe sandals and shorts underneath lol. before the concert i had a nice long talk with rocco about how good everything has been going since we talked. i'm so thankful for our talk because it helped me sooo much and helped me solve a lot of problems =) anyway, during the concert mark kept calling my cell phone. he was like 'what time does the concert end? i didn't know at that point and then finally he was like 'so when are you coming over?' he came home a night early! i was so happy all i wanted to do was get out of there lol. after the concert i came home and my dad gave me another lecture about SAT's and all that bull shit. i don't think they realize how hard i've been working or that an 1100 is a damn good PSAT score for me. i guess it's not good enough.. never has been and never will be. whatever.. after he finally calmed down, mark stopped by to see me. he didn't leave until like midnight..
friday went by pretty fast. ms. grace was talking about AP classes. i'm not sure if i'm gonna take AP english next year. it will give me college credits, but on the other hand i still don't get any points added on to my GPA. so if i get a B or C in there it still won't be as good as an A in a CP class. that is such bullshit. i think my school is made for people that wanna work at gas stations for the rest of their lives..
anyway, after school mark picked me up and ralph drove us to my house. we had some bangin pizza and then mark left for a while to play Xbox with his friends, so i just fell asleep watching ferris bueller's day off lol. he woke me up about 3 hours later when he came knocking on my door. he felt really bad for coming back a lot later than he told me he would. i wasn't really mad but it was kinda fun watching him beg for a little bit lol.. then i told him i wasn't mad to begin with and he threw me in the snow lolol. we went to blockbuster and he let me rent my choice so we watched my best friend's wedding. he actually sat through the whole thing with me! i love that movie so much lol. i love him more though..
saturday i woke up to an empty house and i was quite bored so i cleaned and did laundry and everything before my mom came home and bitched at me lol. mark came over and i just got out of the shower so he sat there and watched me blowdry my hair lol. it's amazing how he could still sit there and say i'm pretty when i look like an ugly whore lolol. anyway, he left for a little while so i did one of my english essays and when he got back i helped him with his. college essays are a lot more involved than i thought.. it took us like 4 hours! afterwards we were supposed to go to joanne's, but we never heard from omar so we just stayed in for the night. mark fell asleep on my bed so i just laid there and held him and i didn't wake him up until close to 1am. i'm amazed my parents didn't come in like 452706 times lol. i felt pretty bad that he had to walk home, but more than that i felt bad that i wasn't gonna see him for another week. we had such an amazing time this weekend and i did not want it to end =x
well this morning my mom woke me up and 9 and made me go out to breakfast with her lol. then we went to menlo mall and i bought some things. i haven't gone there with her for so long because usually she never wants to spend money on me lol. i got two tank tops, a pair of earrings, and a black velour hoodie. i didn't pay over $10 for anything ;D w0o and now i'm home, with nothing to do.. except to find more ways to stall before i have to write the essay of hell #2. english is my favorite subject but goddamn it's a pain in the ass sometimes =x oh well i guess i'll go get started.. i'll write later..
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| therapy |
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| 03:48pm 26/02/2003 |
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mood:  determined music: amanda marshall.. i'll be okay
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hi guys well today wasn't too bad. it was activites so that's always a plus. mark sent me this article last night.. two stories telling about how the US KNEW about osama bin laden and what he was capable of back in the 80's. ALSO we helped release a prisoner of war from saudi in like 1993, and he thanked us two years ago by flying a plane into tower 1 of the world trade center. now i'm usually not into politics but this was interesting stuff.. stuff that actually concerns me.. and anyone affected by september 11 which should have been pretty much everyone. i can't believe how imcompetent our country can be in contrast to how great we really think we are. things aren't perfect. i guess it takes time to learn not to shoot ourselves in the foot.. anyway..
i brought that into mr. d today, partly because i thought it was interesting and also because i didn't finish the homework lol. so we just talked about that whatever, 2nd period ms grace gave us an oral report due TOMORROW. in psychology me & elisa traced our heads onto pieces of paper [don't ask]. nothing really interesting happenned. grobe was an asshole again. he teaches class like a nazi, which is interesting because he's JEWISH! blah.. that sounded really racist but it's funny if u think about it ;] anyway,
after school i decided to skip the SADD meeting and walk home with rocco. i haven't talked to that boy in so long! we had a lot to catch up on so we walked all around carteret before we walked each other home lol. it was freeeezing out but we really didn't notice until it started to snow lol. but he made me feel a lot better about things and cleared a lot up for me. i know what i have to do now. i can't be so selfless especially when it comes to my relationship[s]. that sounds really selfish right there but sometimes you just gotta be so people don't take advantage of you, which happens to me everyday. it's sad really.. people are messed up.. anyway that was my therapy for the week lol ;]
i just got home a little while ago and some chicken soup and ice cream lol. now i have to write an article for the ASN. i had no clue i was assigned something until today when amy told me 7th period! goddamn and on top of that i have the oral report. no naptime for meee =( oh well. i'm watching vanilla sky tonite and no one can stop me lol.
well i'm gonna go get started on everything so i'll write later
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| yup |
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| 05:09pm 25/02/2003 |
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mood: drained music: my best friends wedding soundtrack
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today was alright. boring but alright. i turned in my 527106 essays that i wrote last night.. i had HRC and we talked about the war. it was a good talk. i bought my compatability list in lunch. worst thing i ever wasted $3 on! lol yes i got the list from HELL. i think they choose those things randomly.. or pick opposites or something.. anywayz idc i have my boyfriend who i lub vewy vewy mush ;]
anywayz i was feeling a little anti-social today. i wasn't being rude i just wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone about nothing. rocco asked me what was wrong [he can always tell] but i really couldn't tell him. i think it's partly what roxy is sad about lately and just a bad case of the blahhhs.
april just needs to come already! at least i'll have things to do lol.. and kaplan will be over.. YESS!!
i have kaplan tonight and i realllly don't feel like going. i can't sit for 3 hours. i am going as a bum. a big bum lol. well when i got home i watched TV, had mashed potatoes for dinner lol and made myself a smoothie. it was bangin =) all low fat stuff too.. i'm gettin pretty good at this diet stuff =) i think i need to eat a little more though.. even though i'm taking vitamins i'm still losing energy. whatever. summer needs to come already!!!
ok well i'm gonna try to do this eye packet now because asshole grobe wants it in by tomorrow morning. what do i look like?!?! lol. i'll write later
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| 05:53pm 24/02/2003 |
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music: john mayer.. your body is a wonderland
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hey well having nothin much to write at all and being inspired my lauren's entry i'm gonna write a bunch of random stuff in here now..
*history class is the funniest class of the day. why? i don't know.. today me and joanne just started cracking up with insane laughter.. why? i don't know..
*if we have one more discussion about moby dick i'm gonna harpoon the fucker in the head myself =)
*i think mr. fossa has gone legitimately insane.. smart man, just legitimately insane
*today we dissected a cow eye. well alison did. i refuse to cut open anything that's still looking at me =x
*compliments can go a long way. and be counteractive. 3 people told me i look skinnier today, for which i gave myself permission to go to b&e and have a chicken sandwich & 2 orders of fries. i feel like a fat cow =x moooo...
*today while watching HGTV i fell into the deepest sleep ever. i think someone gassed me. anyway, when i woke up, i was paralyzed. i couldn't move until a telemarketer called and scared the shit out of me. rawrrrr
*i have kaplan tomorrow. and thursday night is the band concert. candace is getting her wisdom teeth removed so i hafta play both of our parts. get well soon candace.. PLEEEASE!
*mark got his schedule today. he now has no morning classes and a 4 day weekend. he sucks he sucks he sucks
*leonard thinks i'm sexy. and wants to have 10000000 of my babies. like i've never heard THAT one before ;] heheh
*i have a shit load of homework. 17 math questions, 2 psych essays, and an essay for band. bah humbug
*ok i have no more to write. time to talk to roxanne about her epiphany. i <3 this gurly ..i'll write later!
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| are you still miiiiiiiine? |
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| 07:06pm 23/02/2003 |
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mood: bored music: i have unchained melody stuck in my head
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so last night didn't go so bad. i went to mark's house and had pizza with him, his dad, and marisa. yes i actually ate pizza under much duresque.. lol then mrs. g came home and we left for mark's aunt's. she lives down the shore by pt. pleasant so it was over an hour car ride. it's so weird being there during the winter =x
the party didn't go so bad. both his aunt's and his aunt's fiancees families were nice. and i didn't do anything to mortally embarrass myself so that was good =) even though mark almost took me out a couple times lol. the car ride home was kinda scary.. it was so foggy out i thought we were gonna get lost and end up in connecticut or something lol. everyone was asleep [except for mr. g thank god] so i sat there listening to classic rock and went into a daze..
we got back to mark's and everyone went to bed so we watched SNL. christopher walken is great. then 'some show with black people' came on [as mark called it] so he took me home.
this morning when i woke up i laid in bed for a while. i also talked to my mom about prom and everyone's staying over here that night because we have the nice big basement =) yayyy! hopefully everyone can come.. it's co ed but we've gotten away with it before.. lol. anywayz prom night is gonna be the shit =)
i went online and talked to everyone for a while. i was hoping to see mark again but he wound up going back to philadelphia once the turnpike opened. oh yea the entire turnpike was shut down this morning.. it was nuts.
after a while i got bored with the internet so i watched ghost. after the movie i was all cried out lol so i took a shower, talked to mark, did some homework, and i just got finished blowdrying my hair. i did this thing that marisa told me to do yesterday and it worked pretty well. so yea that's my oh so exciting life..
no plans for tonight so i think i'm just gonna finish my homework for the next two days and just chill.. i hate the rain.. i hate sundays.. but i'll try to keep myself entertained =x
well i'm gonna go finish this shiznit now so i'll write later
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| tell me one more time that you'll live lost in my eyes |
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| 12:14pm 22/02/2003 |
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mood: blah music: shakira.. whenever, wherever
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so where did i leave off? let me think.. oh yea.. let me start with thursday night, the most horrible 3 1/2 hours of my life..
well me and brittany went to our first kaplan class and it was hell lol. we had to take an SAT test and i did not know that so i didn't bring a calculator. so while everyone was flipping through the pages of the math section i was sittin there trying to figure how to do long division by hand again lol. so i'll probably get like a 600 on the english and like a 50 on the math lol. we didn't get outta there until about 9:30, and my dad didn't pick us up till close to 10. i came home and passed out on my bed..
yesterday was a pretty good day. we had a delayed opening again.. gotta love that extra hour in the morning =) oh man it's great.. i can actually eat and everything.. umm during 2nd period there was an explosion in staten island. a lot of people felt or heard it but i didn't even hear about it until 3rd period. everyone wanted to go home because they thought it was terrorism. pussies.. lol. it turned out to be an accident.. anyway the rest of the day went by pretty fast. foss was out in band so we talked about prom and limos. my limo will be: me, mark, joanne, juan, ramon, mhorena, leonard, kelly, khaled, amanda [II] lol, claudio and yuri. our table is pretty much everyone except the last two lol =x it'll be great =)
after school i came home, took a lil nap, and then woke up to go to the party. i picked leonard up, we went to walgreens to get everyone their cards, and then rushed to the millenium. idk why we rushed because no one was there yet lol. finally some sophomores started to show up, and then the 2 khaleds, and then kelly joanne and heather lol. dominic and ramon showed up last. they were both surprised =) [dominic and kelly i mean]. dominic's bday was wednesday and kelly's was yesterday [she got her license! yayy!] so we had a 'joint' surprise party. the food was pretty good except for the ice cream because there were no sprinkles. but, if you put your ear to the ice cream cones, you can hear the ocean! lolol
when we left, the sophomores [sans dominic] left so we went to explore the new 99 cent store for a while. i wanted to buy the movie BETRAYAL but i was broke lol. i didn't even have 99 cents to my name =( then we wound up back at khaled's. little little khaled entertained us for a while and then started cursing/beating us. what a feisty little four year old! lol he was cute though. we played i never just because ramon wanted dirt on us, me in particular lol. we hung out for a while and then walked to the park so my dad could pick us up. it was so damn foggy out i felt like we were in a murder movie lol. we gave leonard and ramon a ride home and then i went home and called mark. i got pretty mad at him so we got off the phone relatively early, and i fell asleep. when i'm angry i sleep.. lol.
this morning i woke up still kinda mad from the night before. then mark called.. we worked some things out.. yea..
i decided that today i am against anything that requires moving. it's just one of those days. i'm saving all my energy for the engagement party tonight. mark's aunt is getting engaged so i'm gonna go and meet his dad's side tonight. i'm scared! god i hope i don't do anything to make them hate me lol..
yea that's about it for now. my parents went out to lunch but i don't feel like cheating on my diet so i stayed home. yea i know that's kinda pathetic. but now i kinda feel like crap when i eat junkfood. i guess that's a good thing. well i'm gonna go have some cereal so i'll write later..
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| a look back |
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| 04:39pm 20/02/2003 |
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mood: nostalgic music: blink 182.. rock show
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well today was the first day back to school but we had a delayed opening so it wasn't that bad. a lot of other towns had off again, but i really didn't mind going back. i didn't do much work today [no time ;] and i got to see everyone again. like i said, snowstorms just aren't snowstorms anymore lol..
let's see i handed in my essay for grace [even though we didn't have to!] nothing really interesting happenned. we worked on HSPA problems in pre calc which reminds me - HSPA is march 3,4,5. [i think]. that's less than two weeks away =/ i hope i'm a little smarter than i think i am lol. i just hate math..
afterschool meg gave me a ride home.. as we were walking to her car, some dirty mexican kid pushed joe the drummer and threw his leather jacket in the puddle! the next thing i knew, joe was flat on his back in the same puddle with a bloody lip. what a fucking asshole.. me & meg tried to get to her car before anything else hapenned but the cops came in front of us and met the dirty ghetto people at the corner. i'm pretty sure the kid got arrested. good for him =)
then i almost got in trouble lol.. we were at the light by rite aid and some dirty kid put his hand in meg's car and pinched my cheek. i was like 'ewwww i gotta go home and take a shower now!!!!' meg thought they were gonna whip out some guns so she took off lolol. i hate ghetto people. we're surrounded..
when i got home i was feelin energetic for some reason so i went through the boxes under my bed. i went through allll of my pictures and fit 3 boxes into one. then i went through my 'middle school memory box' lol. i actually read the diary that i kept during the summer before 8th grade. good times. i almost forgot about the boy-crazy ditzy 12 year old girl who's life involved nothing but rollerblading in the park and looking at boys, counting how many times they made eye contact with me. and devoting her life to her friends, who were her heart. i'm still like that in a lot of ways. ok so i'm not so chubby in the face, my clothes are little nicer, and my voice isn't so damn high. but i'm still ditzy sometimes. i still like to play in the snow. maybe i'm not so boy crazy but i still get flattered when 'older' guys notice me. i have a better handle on life now.. or do i? i still feel lost sometimes. i still need to find my place. i still haven't found anyone that i can be as close to as i was to amanda, diana, and the other girls i hung out with every single day. when i was with them i felt like i could do anything. i could do anything around them and i wouldn't care. i didn't have to hold everything in. i did more and thought less. maybe that's a good thing?
the thing i regret most of my time in high school is that i tried to grow up too fast. i only looked toward the future and nothing came too soon. i still do that. sometimes i look at where i'm at now and wonder if i should be sixteen and planning the rest of my life? hmm...
anyway, the old journal really inspired me to keep writing in this one. although it was sloppy and kind of tedious to read, i still treasure that thing more than anything. i'm gonna wanna look back on everything and remember everything, the good and the bad.
well i have kaplan in about in hour so they're forcing me to eat dinner lol. all i ate today was a muffin and a turkey sandwich, and about 36oz of water. i'm trying to watch what i eat and exercize everynight at least until prom. all those pictures of me also made me NOT want to look like that anymore! ok i promised myself i wouldn't talk about this crap lol =x
well i'm gonna go start getting ready so i'll write later
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| the power of christ compels you |
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| 06:19pm 19/02/2003 |
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mood:  sore music: everybody loves raymond
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aloha.. ok.. well i really don't feel like doing this essay so let me tell you about my ever-so-exciting past two days lol.
yesterday after i wrote, ramon came over to play in the snow lol. we wound up going to the park to meet everyone else, and it took us like an hour to walk across the memorial field in like 3ft of snow lolol. knocking each other down wasn't helping either.. when we finally met them we had a giant snowball war [forts included]. i felt 10 again lol. then they went to get food so i walked to mark's house. another adventure in itself. took me about 45 minutes lol. streets in this town are so horrible. when i finally got there i was soaking wet up to my knees and freezing and i still had to wait for him to get dressed! men.. lol. we walked to my house and had pizza, and then went downstairs and watched some movie. oh yea, we watched the fast and the furious lol. then we went upstairs and watched the exorcist. mark never saw it before so he was scared while the rest of us laughed our asses off lol. after the movie we watched comedy central for a while and he left after the man show. that is a great show lol ;p
today i woke up and my mom dragged me out. i had to go to the library first and brittany was there so we worked together in a desperate search for moby dick shit. we have to summarize ANOTHER essay for friggen ms. grace. Jesus..
we finally found one and about $3 in dimes and 12 wasted sheets of paper later, we were out of there like the deaf girl in musical chairs lol. [<~ bad ramon joke #1]
we gave brittany a ride home and then went to the galaxy for lunch. i ate way too much =x i'm drinking water for the rest of the week and never eating again lol. then we went to target, yea the ever so exciting target, and i got 3 pairs of sandals. they were cute =) why do i buy sandals in february you ask? good question..
now i'm home.. i can hardly move my right arm.. and i have to write an essay for tomorrow. at least there's a delayed opening =) it's still gonna be one hellacious morning though. i hope i can get a ride =/
well i'm gonna go relax and maybe think about reading that 8 page essay on herman melville.. maybe not.. lol anyway i'll write later
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| we're now on pause.. |
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| 11:55am 18/02/2003 |
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mood:  cold music: snow plows / my dog barking
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wow i haven't written in a while or at least it seems like a while. i'll start with valentine's day and try to keep this as short as possible..
friday night i went to mark's and had dinner with him, joanne, his parents, his grandparents, marisa, and bosh [surprisingly]. we had some bangin chicken parm.. i ate like 3 pieces and made joanne look bad lol. oh wait let me back up.. as joanne and mark were walking to my house, some little hoodlums yelled "somebody's gonna get some ass!!!!!" and ran away. lolol this is now known as the great prophecy and yes, it has come true lol.
anyway after dinner we drove joanne home and then went to blockbuster to rent a movie. we wound up renting the ever-so-romantic sorority boys. i wanted to rent my big fat greek wedding but nooooo lol. we saw andrew and chris there. they made fun of us. nothin new ;] we went back to my house and watched the movie but it was kinda stupid so we just layed there and talked. i'm serious. we talked. it was great. my dad came down because he thought we were having sex or something, but i waved at him and he went back upstairs lol. parents are weird.
saturday my parents woke me up early for some reason and we went out for breakfast at the reo. i got to drive =) i am never driving with both of them again though lol. all they do is fight and confuse me. oh well. after breakfast we dropped my mom off at shoprite and then me and my dad went to play pool. i kicked his ass 3 times ;] ok so he knocked the 8 ball in twice.. whatever.. lol. at night mark, omar, and juan picked me up and we all went to joanne's. we hung out with her kelly and kelly's 'friend' greg. he was cute. kelly should go out with him lol. we played pool and watched strongbad and goldmember. then we watched our whose line. that movie will never cease to be funny ;] mark wasn't feeling so good and he coughed nonstop the entire night. juan thought he was dying of the plague lol. so after joanne's i went to his house for a little bit to take care of him. got in trouble for being out so late but oh well.
sunday i went with kelly and joanne to see how to lose a guy in ten days. very good movie! joanne's brother dropped us off at menlo and we walked around for a while. saw some interesting stuff at spencer's ;] too bad valentine's day passed already LoL. after the movie we waited for kelly's dad to pick us up and people were still coming in! by then there was already like 4in of snow on the ground. and they were all asians! it was a little disturbing lol. what do these people have to prove?!?!?!
yesterday i woke up, looked out my window.. and couldn't see. there was snow stuck between my screen and my window lol. so i looked out my living room window and there was snow up to the railing of my porch! there must be about 8ft of snow in my front yard, and drifts up to like 8ft in my backyard! it looks like the fuckin arctic! lol. my mom couldn't even get the front door open until she shoveled it out. me and my mom had an indoor snowball fight with the snow from the kitchen window lol. then we made a little snowman that i affectionately nicknamed "crackhead" because his eyes, nose, and buttons were made of pills lolol. i baked some chocolate chunk cookies and they came out bangin =) then i went in a chat and talked to joanne leonard and ramon about prom. i think we're taking a limo now. yay =)
finally i went outside and shoveled a path or more like a canal from my front door to my street. after i conquered the white devil i took pictures of it lol. i dove into a the pile of snow beside my walkway and it came up to my waist LOL. this has to be worse than the blizzard of '96 ;]
when the snow stopped i walked over to mark's house to visit him. he seems a little better, alive at least, but still coughing his brains out. poor kid =( i stayed there for a while and watched some old teen movies [can't hardly wait, she's all that]. but at least he has cable! as of yesterday we only barely had channel 2 lol. i stayed for dinner and then my dad picked me up. he was in a bitchy mood and started yelling at me for no reason. my mom did the same thing when i came in the house. whatever. i took a long hot shower, did my hair, excersized [i felt fat from all those cookies] and went to bed. early night. what a loser. lol.
today some annoying kid rang my doorbell at like 10 asking to shovel. too bad there's nothing left to shovel. he never shoveled but managed to wake me up =( so far i had breakfast and went online. yay. i'll probably go out later with ramon and them to play in the snow lol. but right now i'm gonna go call my boyfriend.. this entry was a lot longer and contained more pointless babbling than i had hoped for, so i'll end it here.
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| what's love [got to do with it] |
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| 04:10pm 14/02/2003 |
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mood:  devious music: limp bizkit.. no sex
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yea so this week was okay i guess. one day shorter so that's always good. let's see..
tuesday was school, i think that was the day that mr. dominguez broke his wrist in the parking lot and i laughed at him. lol i felt kinda bad but it's just the way he said it! oh well..
after school i got b&e, talked to diana on the phone for a lil bit, and then went to get my hair cut/dyed. i love maryanne she's sucha sweetheart.. it took her three hours to do my hair and she even stayed after closing time to finish it =/ i felt so bad. but it came out really nice.. she highlighted my roots and cut the dead straggly ends off my hair. i got it layered and choppy a little and it's soo much easier to manage. i saw my old cheering coach! she's so cool lol. i kinda miss cheering in a way.. if it wasn't for the select bitches on the squad, i probably never would have quit.
after my mom picked me up we dropped off the car at strauss [it was rattling and we found out that the tire was falling off LOL]. then i came home, excersized, and fell asleep. water drunk: 68oz lol
wednesday was activities which was a very good thing. we didn't change for gym and it was a very easy day.. that's all i remember. although activity days always seem longer for some reason. after school i couldn't get a ride so i walked with rocco & dominic. i love those guys they're great hehe. it was freezing though, and when they left i ran the rest of the way home. i watched tv and fell asleep for a while, and when i woke up i went to CVS to get some stuff for my friends. i got ramon a pair of boxers, joanne candles, and hersey kisses and hugs for everyone else.
yesterday everyone went crazy over valentine's day eve. i didn't think it would be that bad because it wasn't even really valentine's day yet, but oh well. ramon gave me a teddy bear and joanne gave me a teddy bear & an acrylic rose. screw you whoever got a real rose - acrylic ones are better! yes! lol. roxanne was sad in english so i did some interpretive dancing to cheer her up lol.. in lunch joanne baked some bangin cookies for us. she's so cool! thanx j-spo hehe. me & ramon made the oval of life but he disrupted it by trying to push me in a janitor's closet hahah [don't ask]. we changed for gym for the first time in about a week, but it wasn't bad. in band i gave everyone their hugs and kisses and then had some fun with rocco and mark. we made up an interpretive dance about ambrish and how mysteriously great he is lol. we took a really hard ass test in pre calc and then just did computer shit in mr. grobe. i gave mr. grobe a hug but he was still grouchy. i guess he doesn't like chocolate.. lol.
after school i tried many times to take a nap but i kept getting phone calls lol. people only love me when i'm tired. diana came to carteret.. yayy! i went to walgreen's with her to help her with her boyfriend's present and then she came her for a while. after she left, i went and picked mark up at the train station. i didn't even recognize him at first =x lol. we went to his house for a while and then back to mine. yup..
today i woke up, took a shower, curled my hair, and talked to mark. he got me a little mad. but whatever.. i'm not gonna make a big deal over it. sometimes people just need to straigten out their fucked up priorities. but anyway yea, this weekend is still gonna be good. i miss my gurl friends! i still love you guys [you know who you are]and we really need to have a girl's night out soon ;]
tonight i'm going to have a romantic dinner for 8 lol. i get to see joanne & mark's grandparents! yay! hahah
anyway, to me, valentine's day is just another day. it's a day not just for couples and all that lovey dovey mushy crap. it's a day to show the ones you love that you love them! even though you should do that everyday. v-day is more fun when you make fun of it. so go buy some boxers for your favorite guys - use some bad pick up lines on your friends - bake some cookies for you boyfriend's family lol. it doesn't have to suck as long as you spend it with the right people. so yea that's my speech on the overestimated -commercialized - exaggerated - misinterpreted day that is valentine's day.
well i'm gonna go get ready for a fun filled family dinner at the griscavage's hehe.. so i'll write later [i promise]
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| the great nj transit adventure [part II] |
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| 04:23pm 10/02/2003 |
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mood:  amused music: mark's v-day card
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well i had an interesting weekend to say the least. i guess i'll start with saturday..
saturday i had nOthing to do. all my friends were busy and i felt like a loser lol. i just stayed home and cleaned all day.. became a fuckin slave to my mom.. because that's apparently all i'm good for on weekends lol. i vacuumed & dusted everything, did all the laundry, and even scrubbed the bath tub lol. at the end of the night i was depressed because i didn't want this to be my weekend.. and i missed mark more than ever.. so i decided i wanted to go to philly on sunday. i fought with my mom for a while because she didn't like the idea of me taking the train by myself, but then i talked to my dad about it and they caved in =)
s0o sunday morning i woke up early, took a shower, got all purdy again lol [yeh right], and left. actually my mom wound up driving me there because she didn't want me to pay for a round trip ticket. whatever. mark was extremely happy to see me.. and we had such an incredible time.. just lying there together alone. greatest feeling ever. he gave me a massage that loosened up my muscles soooo nicely =) we watched unbreakable [pretty good movie - i really like that m. night shylaman guy =] and he made me a 3 course meal: garlic toast, pizza rolls, and oreos. yummmmm lol ;p
then came the worst.. getting me home lol. we left early and walked to the station across the street, but it was CLOSED! so we had to walk to the 30th street station, which was like 20 blocks away. damn that was cold. i thought my ears were gonna freeze off my head lol. once we got there, we found out that the next train was leaving in 10 minutes, but because it was an express, it was $47!!! do i look like i have that kinda money?? lol.. so i said forget it and she gave me an attitude. but i was soon accustomed to the bitches and bastards of the transit system lol.
we waited almost an hour for the next train, and once it arrived, i left him at the station. he wanted to go with me to trenton to make sure i switched trains okay but i wouldn't let him. his train ride would have been way too long and he had midterms this morning, so i gave him a quick kiss goodbye and ran on the train.. i couldn't look back..
well i got to trenton okay and even got on the train to new york with no problem. the train to new york was the problem. i sat there watching all of the familiar stops roll by.. new brunswick.. metropark.. rahway. RAHWAY?!?! holy shit my parents were waiting for me there!! the doors never even freakin opened for us, so i had to tell the conductor to let me off at the next stop. the train stopped and left me there, as i walked out onto an dark, empty platform. i dialed my mom's cell phone on speed dial over and over, with no luck. i called mark just for some company but there wasn't much he could do either. i was stuck. i looked around to find someone but the only company i had was a bum just staring blankly at the tracks from his glass house. i was alone. i stayed on the phone with mark, crying by this point just feeling hopeless. although i felt a strange sense of security standing high above the run down buildings and the giant empty parking lot [which i have affectionately named'the parking lot of nowhere'] right in the heart of east bumblefuck, linden. finally my mom called my cell phone. she forgot hers at home! somehow she found the station that i was stranded at and picked me up. it was now almost midnight..
so i went home and tried to sleep, but i really couldn't. my muscles were all tense from being nervous. that was a fuckin scary experience =x even though i looked back on it today and laughed at myself lol.
this morning i woke up every hour and looked outside just praying for one sign of snow. no luck - we had school today. although it worked out okay because i wasn't tired as i thought i was. just over tired. school wasn't challenging at all.. i didn't really do any work all day except for a little research in english and maybe a ditto in psych. i had HRC during pre calc and we just sat around poking each other on the wrist with needles in mr. grobe's lol. that mr. grobe and his whacked out labs..
afterschool it was snowing pretty hard so i just stood outside and caught snowflakes on my tongue [8 to be exact lol]. then my mom picked me up and we went to walgreens so i could get some stuff for vday. i bought ramon a pair of boxers with hearts on it lol and i got mark a pair of puppy love boxers and two cards. one is a nice mushy one, and one plays get down tonight by the beegees when you open it =) haha it was by far the greatest card i have ever seen.
when i got home i talked to mark a bit and had dinner.. now i'm bored. maybe i'll take a little nap. yea.. i'm gonna go take my nappy now.. hahah.. i'll write later |
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| 11:57pm 07/02/2003 |
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mood:  crazy music: sixth sense soundtrack
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i am in such a crazy mood right now. i just want to break free from all this shit.. house.. parents.. everything. these heavy chains can wear a person down after a while..
so i had a chance to see him this weekend and it slipped between my fingers. because i'm not a conniving person. because after 16 years i don't know exactly the right way to manipulate them. because i'm not the type to sneak out of my house and steal my car and just go. and that's why i'm stuck here. because i'm not an asshole.
because i'm a prisoner of schedules.. of other people's needs, wants, of feeling bad. feeling bad for things that other people do and those people will never feel one touch of guilt/sympathy for their actions, let alone see what the hell they are doing.
well on the bright side of things, because god knows i have to look on the bright side of things. i played football today in the snow! it was fun shit.. me ramon kelly and little khaled vs. leonard joanne sandi and big khaled. we won! and i only blacked out on the field once. yay for me. never going back to a doctor. never never never
in other news, i don't know what to do right now. i want to steal the car and go get a smoothie. my tongue is burnt. and so is my heart. it hurts. seems no one can fix that right now. AHHHHHHHHHHH!
ok i'm either gonna go lead a life of crime now or go to bed.. in any case i guess i'll write tomorrow.. cya
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